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Road Rules

These loudmouthed motorists these days... If we cyclists heeded their cries to 'get off the road' why, we'd have to come back with cars which would cause more congestion, and use up more of our fuel. And isn't this what it's all about? Being selfish? On that note, motorists: Why not (ignore your growing 'love handles' and) look at cyclists and say: 'Suckas - that's more gas for me'?

Posted by Aaron R. Deutsch on March 19, 2003 | Comments (0)

Korma (korma korma, etc.) Chamaeleon

If you steal Indian food do you owe Kormic debt?

Posted by Aaron R. Deutsch on March 09, 2003 | Comments (0)

Slam

I took a brief moment to flame veriSign (again, no link will be provided) in an earlier post. As I get more info that validates my feeling I shall continue, like in the case of their Anticompetitive policies.

Posted by Aaron R. Deutsch on March 09, 2003 | Comments (0)

Trick Your Home II

Keywords: how-to, kitchen, home, pot rack, pan rack, cheap, do it yourself, home improvement, artsy-fartsy.

Bed Bath & Beyond has great bed-bath-and-beyond-type things, but your alleyway may have great bed parts that can be used in creative ways.

Those cheap futons, for example. You can't sleep on the things because they'll twist your back into all sorts of funny shapes.

Instead, you might take a few parts off of the frame, buy a package of 79-cent nails and 4 or 5 packages of "S Hooks" from your local hardware store and BAM - you've saved $160 American dollars on a pot/pan rack.

Posted by Aaron R. Deutsch on March 08, 2003 | Comments (0)

Trick Your Home

Keywords: shoes, boots, slush, cheap, home-improvement, recycling, and Urban-Outfitters (esque).

Materials needed:
- Bubble wrap (free if you've received anything heavy by post recently)
- Gaffer Tape ($26 for a lifetime supply. You may substitute masking tape, but it's not as pretty)

Instructions:
(1) Cut a chunk of bubble wrap out about the size of two or three shoes (follow the dots for straight lines).
(2) Tape off edges to make a nice 'frame'. Do this on both sides.
(3) Place mucky, nasty shoes on top to protect floors and to express your unique style.

Notes:
- Putting the 3D side up will help air to circulate under shoes and dry them faster.
- Look at that hip semi-transparency!
- Beware of those who cannot resist popping the bubbles.
- The lifetime of this products has not yet been calculated. Early reports say 2-3 winter seasons without walking traffic.

Posted by Aaron R. Deutsch on March 08, 2003 | Comments (1)

"You said you didn't give a $%*# about hockey" **

I think that many horror films are actually confused, distorted karma movies.

You see, some (often horrifically deformed/evil/blood-thirsty-with-a-total-disregard-for-life) challenge enters the character's lives (usaually in the form of some sort of serial killer, demented werewolf, or machine-gun-toting robot) and they get all nervous and sweat and scream and generally become total assholes, which, in turn, gets them killed.

** Title of entry from "Hockey Song" by The Tragically Hip **

Posted by Aaron R. Deutsch on March 08, 2003 | Comments (0)

How to live your life

Those wiley kids at Crewcial.org put up this thread on their bulletin board in response to the governments site preparing us for a nuclear attack.

**While the captions are very funny, they do digress into the realm of philthy/profane rather quickly.**

Since these boards have a tendency of being brilliant, then disappearing, we cached a copy as of March 06, 2004.

Posted by Aaron R. Deutsch on March 06, 2003 | Comments (0)

Newspapers aren't as tall

It's possible that this circulated letter from Terry Jones is not real. But it is more likely that it is real and the London Observer just didn't print it. Either way, it's not bad. And before you go shooting off about how famous actors/actresses are not reliable sources of political commentary consider that this arguement would also be eliminating yourself from the political debate. After all, just because you're famous doesn't mean you can't be reasonable, smart, and practical - like us. :-) What's more, with their training they are often better at delivering their opinion than we would be.

--- Letter to the Observer
Sunday January 26, 2003
The Observer

I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq: he's running out of patience. And so am I! For some time now I've been really
pissed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the street.

Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give me queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty for me, but so far I haven't been able to discover what.

I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but he's got everything well hidden. That's how devious he is. As for Mr Patel, don't ask me how I know, I just know - from very good sources -that he is, in reality, a Mass
Murderer. I have leafleted the street telling them that if we don't act first, he'll pick us off one by one. Some of my neighbors say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the police? But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they need evidence of a crime with which to charge my neighbors.

They'll come up with endless red tape and quibbling about the rights and wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and all the while Mr Johnson will be finalizing his plans to do terrible things to me, while Mr Patel will be secretly murdering people.

Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent range of automatic firearms, I reckon it's up to me to keep the peace. But until recently that's been a little difficult. Now, however, George W. Bush has made it clear that all I need to do is run out of patience, and then I can wade in and do whatever I want!

And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out policy towards Iraq is the only way to bring about international peace and security. The one certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide bombers targeting the US or the UK is to bomb a few Muslim countries that have never threatened us.

That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and kill his wife and children. Strike first! That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll leave us in peace and stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable way.

Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know before bombing Iraq is that Saddam is a really nasty man and that he has weapons of mass destruction even if no one can find them. I'm certain I've just as much justification for killing Mr Johnson's wife and children as Mr Bush has for bombing Iraq.

Mr Bush's long-term aim is to make the world a safer place by eliminating 'rogue states' and 'terrorism'. It's such a clever long-term aim because how can you ever know when you've achieved it? How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out all terrorists? When every single terrorist is dead? But then a terrorist is only a terrorist once he's committed an act of terror. What about would-be terrorists? These are the ones you really want to eliminate, since most of the known terrorists, being suicide bombers, have already eliminated themselves.

Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could possibly be a future terrorist? Maybe he can't be sure he's achieved his objective until every Muslim fundamentalist is dead? But then some moderate Muslims might convert to fundamentalism. Maybe the only really safe thing to do would be for Mr Bush to eliminate all Muslims?

It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just the tip of the iceberg. There are dozens of other people in the street who I don't like and who - quite frankly - look at me in odd ways. No one will be really safe until I've wiped them all out. My wife says I might be going too far but tell her I'm simply using the same logic as the President of the United States. That shuts her up.

Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough reason for the President, it's good enough for me. I'm going to give the whole street two weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open and hand over all aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic outlaws and interstellar terrorist masterminds, and if they don't hand them over nicely and say 'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the entire street to kingdom come.

It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing - and, in contrast to what he's intending, my policy will destroy only one street.

Posted by Aaron R. Deutsch on March 04, 2003 | Comments (0)