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Que-Bert
An open (and also real) letter to Citibank:
Hi,
I made an appointment with one of your representatives to pick up an approved loan check at 9:30am Friday September 17, 2004.
Not sure if you're aware of this, but the staff at the Flatbush, Brooklyn branch could use some help. Really.
I arrived (admittedly a little late, but still early by New York standards) at 9:46am and put my name on a list. At 1:00pm I walked out the door with cash in account (thanks, by the way). Did I mention that I was the THIRD person on the list since the bank opened?
While waiting for my turn I had a chance to play Q-Bert on my mobile phone. If you're anything like me it's not only been many years since you played, but you also resent both Q-Bert and the werid faux-3D nightmare that he inhabits.
Here are my notes on the Java edition of Q-Bert (in no particular order):
- Your enemies have no respect. Seriously. They have no qualms with trampling you when you're cornered and will wack you in the back of the head as you make your very first move off the top cube
- The first level is too hard, don't you think? Here I am at 11:00 am, just two hours after my sceduled appointment was to take place, kicking butt in level 2/2 and make a few mistakes during (now) routine moves (my fault) and lose the game. The very next round I'm ousted on the first board. Need I say more?
- Doesn't it seem kind of strange that the opening screen for this kids game is a mug shot of some freak animal/thing shouting obscenities? (even though you'll find yourself doing the same thing on level one)
- Actually, now that I think about it, using the standard censorship for obscenities on the first screen probably saved them thousands of dollars on foreign language translations.
So after filling up all the slots in the "top scores" section I've warmed up to the game a bit -- maybe you should check it out, too and recapture a bit of your youth, that is, after you hire more bankers in Brooklyn.
Yours,
Aaron Deutsch
Citibank Customer
Posted by Aaron R. Deutsch on September 17, 2004 10:29 PM
Comments
I think Q-bert was my first experience with the concept of suicide. I can remember my feelings of hopelessness and dispair as my Q-bert cowared on the corner cube, with the slithering, squiggley snake closing in on one side and the omnious red ball hurling towards me like so many juggarnauts. I look to the left, I look to the right and then squeeze my eyes shut as I hurl myself from the pyramid...no other alternative available. And that sad, lonely wail my Q-bert would emit as he plunged into the darkness of my television screen. I am not sure what that says about me that I would rather force my Q-bert to kill himself than to get brained by those weird anomalies of video game nature...but that crazy cube pyramid did foster my appreciation for MC Escher.
Posted by: Andrea D at October 4, 2004 03:39 PM
Quite a letter... You really must post their response.
If I had written it, I'd have drawn more analogies between myself and Q-bert and between his "faux 3-d nightmare" and CitiBank. And then, I would have pointed out how my own plight is significantly less worse than the plights of the many countries that are forever in debt to CitiBank due to its indulgance in neo-colonialist lending practices over the last few decades.
Then I would have told them I would no longer do business with them and request to be put on their empire-wide Do-Not-Solicite list. Along with the letter, I would send my finely shredded "CitiCard" and the ashes from the ceremonious burning of my most recent statement from them.
Posted by: Nick R at January 2, 2005 11:37 PM
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